The Unfortunate Event Of One Kiba Inuzuka
by smartcat
Summary: Shikamaru turned to look Kiba directly in the eye. "There are reasons why doors are locked, Inuzuka." Kiba rolled his eyes, "Oh please…it's Naruto. What could he possibly be doing other than eating ramen?" Yaoi.


**Just a quick little crackish one shot. I haven't tortured Kiba in a long while. *Shakes head* Oh well, this fic basically makes up for it ;)**

**Warning: My kind of humor**

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The Misfortunate Event Of One Kiba Inuzuka

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"Shikamaru," Kiba crossed his arms in annoyance, "I don't know _what _you've been smoking, but that shit must be real powerful."

The younger man lifted one thin eyebrow and grunted. "I'm serious."

With a lazy sigh, Shikamaru found himself wondering how they had gotten onto this topic in the first place.

_Hm…let's see…we were talking about going to see Kurenai's baby…then Hinata buying an assortment of Kunai for the little ninja…then our first time buying kunai…Naruto not being able to hit his target in school…the Sasuke/Naruto rivalry…Sakura…ah, got it._

"They are NOT gay!" Anger seeping in, Inuzuka pointed one accusatory finger at his childhood friend. "If they were, I would have known."

"No you wouldn't have."

"Do you doubt my intelligence?"

_Yes._

Shikamaru shook his head, "No, just your poor skills of observation."

As the two shinobi walked the halls leading towards the Hokage's office, Kiba threw his head back with a laugh.

"Naruto is in love with Sakura," he smirked. "Everyone knows that. The whole VILLAGE knows that! My senile old man KNOWS that!"

Growing rather tired of this argument that was obviously going nowhere, Shikamaru shrugged his shoulders as the two of them reached Naruto's office door. He sighed inwardly as he looked upon the brass fixtures adoring the wood frame.

Had it really been fifteen years ago?

The allied shinobi forces…the fourth shinobi world war…

Damn, it felt like just yesterday that he along with a majority of the world's shinobi watched the epic battle being fought between Sasuke and Naruto.

The two of them had exchanged some words before the fight. Right afterwards, Naruto had walked over to Yamato and requested that he build a cabin off to the side of the battlefield.

The shinobi had done so and then everyone watched as both Sasuke and Naruto disappeared inside. As soon as they had entered, black flames sprung up from the ground, surrounding the log cabin with their impenetrable like barrier.

Everyone waited with baited breath for about an hour and a half.

Then the two emerged.

Fought.

Naruto had just a bit of strength left to call out to Sakura before he collapsed.

The two of them had then been immediately transported to the Leaf village.

Upon awakening, Naruto had let everyone know that Sasuke was back.

Mind blowing really…

No one had actually expected the blonde to succeed.

Well, minus Kakashi and Sakura…

Shaking himself out of his reverie, Shikamaru grunted and grabbed the doorknob intent on giving Naruto the intel he and Kiba had gathered on their mission.

"It's locked."

Kiba scrunched his nose.

Shikamaru sighed laboriously.

Now?

Really, Naruto?

"Let's come back in about an hour."

"Are you shitting me?" Kiba blanched. "We just got back from a week long mission and you're letting a locked door stop us from ending it? Fuck no, dude! I want a break!"

Thinning his bottom lip, Shikamaru turned to look Kiba directly in the eye. "There are reasons why doors are locked, Inuzuka."

Kiba rolled his eyes, "Oh please…it's Naruto. What could he _possibly_ be doing other than eating ramen?"

Shikamaru smirked, shrugging his shoulders. "Fine then." Turning around he began marching away from the door, giving his friend a little wave as he did so. "See ya."

Watching the other leave, Kiba shook his head from side to side in amazement.

Shikamaru was too lazy.

God, if the guy just put in a _little_ more effort.

Giving a little sigh, Kiba straightened his olive green vest before trying the knob. It rattled in his hand, showing evident signs of being locked from the other end. Grinning foolishly, Kiba flexed his fingers, examining them. Upon spotting the longest nail to be on his right middle finger, he chuckled.

"Sorry to interrupt your little ramen fest, Naruto," Kiba stuck his nail in the lock, "But I've got a hot girl waiting for me back home."

Hearing the lock click, the bold man stepped into the office only to have his eyes roll into the back of his head as his vision swam.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

Naruto's eyes whizzed to the door in alarm. His mouth went slack, letting Sasuke's cock slide right off his slippery plump lip. A thin stream of drool connected his mouth to the tip of Sasuke's engorged dick head.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

Kiba couldn't draw his eyes away from the horror that had befallen him. One of his best friends was on his knees, hands fisted over his _other_ friend's rock hard erection.

Sasuke's eyes were wide as he stared back at his childhood cohort, embarrassment flooding his face at an alarming rate.

"I thought you locked the door!" He hissed down at Naruto who just blinked rapidly in return.

The blonde, baffled, looked up at his lover and whispered back just as vehemently. "I did!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kiba screamed fiercely, "YOU TWO ARE REALLY GAY!"

"Crap," Naruto squinted his eyes shut. "Alright, we knew this day would come."

Sasuke nodded, "The emergency packs are in the left hand drawer of your desk."

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! YOU'RE GAY! YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY! OH MY FUCKING GOD…MY EYES!"

Sasuke swiftly did up his pants and lunged for the drawer as Naruto stood to his feet quickly and straightened his vest.

"Kiba," he tried to catch the other man's attention, "It's been great knowing you."

"Here," Sasuke tossed him a pack and rushed towards the window, pushing it open as wide as it could go.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?" Kiba yelled hoarsely as his body still refused to move in any direction.

"Well," Sasuke grunted, lifting himself onto the window ledge. "As you so eloquently screamed, Naruto and I are gay. Sakura didn't know. We're assuming now…" Sasuke gulped as he spotted a fury of pink hair charging at the building, "…Actually, confirming now that Sakura is very much aware of our situation."

Jumping onto the ledge alongside his raven haired lover, Naruto threw Kiba an obligatory salute. "It's been great, being your Hokage and all. Now…as my last order to you…please hold Sakura back for as long as you can." Naruto fearfully shivered as he recognized a feminine shriek come from a few stories below. "We need a few minutes of a head start."

"Dobe!" Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the back of his Hokage cloak, "She's inside! We need to go!"

Kiba suddenly realized what sort of predicament he was in. Paling at a dreadfully fast rate, he blinked.

"Shit."

Watching the two men jump off the ledge, Kiba felt the building tremble as Sakura rushed up the stairs.

Missions…hah! Going on missions was apparently safer than staying at home! He looked up at the ceiling, mumbling a quick prayer. "Dear God…in my next life…please let me learn the art of silence at a young age…"

"KIBA!"

Flinching, the shinobi turned around to see a banshee like Sakura breathing heavily in the hall. Satanic green eyes directed at him.

In a dangerously calm voice that sent shivers up and down his spine, Sakura spoke. "Where are they?"

"W-who?" Kiba feigned innocence.

Before the shinobi could even thinking of blocking, Sakura had him by the throat. Shaking madly, she continued her mantra-like shouting. "WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE ARE THEY?"

Kiba mentally counted down the seconds, impatiently waiting for unconsciousness to wrap him in its velvety blanket of security.

Ah…there it was…

Realizing that Kiba had gone limp in her arms, Sakura paused her maniacal snapping back and forth and checked the poor man's pulse. Seeing that he was still alive, she dropped him like a sack of potatoes before charging out the open window.

"WHEN I FIND THE BOTH OF YOU, YOU'LL WISH THAT YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN!"

:::

Walking down the worn out path leading towards the village center, Shikamaru watched with mild interest as both Sasuke and Naruto bolted past him. The two men ran as if their whole lives depended on it. About a minute and a half later, a pink blur past him, nearly causing him to lose his footing and fall face first into a small pond on his right.

Cringing to himself, Shikamaru turned his head towards the Hokage's office and shook his head with a frown. "You just had to open it. Didn't you, Kiba."

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**Review, for Kiba's sake**

**:p**


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